Destination Driftless: Wherever you go there you are

I couldn't wait to hop in the car and head to Nashville to see my friends and family. I was ready to go back and visit this place filled with memories and dotted with friends. What it's sometimes hard to account for is the actual feeling of returning to a place you once lived. When I drove by this Memphis sign, the wave of nostalgia that rolled over me was happy and bittersweet and complicated.

It was this little sign that made it all real thirteen years ago when I quit my job, moved out of my apartment and packed my bags to head south.

On this road trip of mine, I bounced between my hometown friends, my library friends & my old neighborhoods.

My first stop was with one of my oldest friends who has known me since the awkward teenage years. It's like nothing and everything has changed. We compared notes on the fullness of our lives and the subsequent tiny amount of free time we now have. We lived it up for the short time we had together on this Nashville trip. Just being able to talk to her face to face, one on one was like old times.

These guys were my surrogate family when I lived in Nashville. I spent a lot of time at their house. While I spun around town, moving every year or two, they had grown up lives with kiddos and pets and a nice home. I never have enough time to connect with them in the way I want but I was so glad to see them. We said a quick goodbye the next day and I was on my way.

While waiting to meet my aunt for lunch, I did my tour of the town.

I went to meet my aunt and cousin for lunch. My aunt came down for a visit during the time I was living in Nashville and ended up meeting her future husband. She has been living around Nashville ever since. I think she and my cousin have even developed southern accents.

I had such a good time with them.

I rejoined my urban adventure for awhile before meeting up with my friends.

I think any time you "go back home" there's a little piece of you that wonders "what if"? What if I had done this instead of that, how might my life have been different?

So when I visit places where I once lived, Madison or Nashville, or I return to my hometown, there is some wistfulness. Why didn't I make more friends, why did I stay at that job for so long, why didn't I settle down sooner?

But at the end of the day, it's the things you did do and the friends you did make that count for everything. As Jon Kabat Zinn says, "Wherever you go, there you are." Make peace with your past, in other words.

My friends were convening in the afternoon so I headed over to them with anticipation. I see them once a year now. When I walked in they began clapping and holding up

their glasses of wine. Within 60 seconds I was sitting with my own glass of wine ready to get caught up with them. While our group varied a bit over the years, I met these women within the first 6 months of living in Nashville. They became my social circle, my support system and my partners in crime. My best friend who already lived in Nashville, the one with the family and nice house, was also many of these things. But timing is everything. She was experiencing family life and I was solidly in singlehood. So the hoochies were born, librarians gone wild. Not really, but some were wilder than others. Ahem.

We walked, we talked, we cocktailed, we talked. The nice thing about old friends is they know a lot about your life. You don't have to explain so much.